The week leading up to Mothering Sunday can be difficult for children with two dads. Children across the country will have taken part in dedicated school assemblies, made cards and written stories about, and for, their mums.
New Family Social, a charity supporting gay adoptive and foster families, says one in five of its members has had negative reactions from schools to their sexuality. A similar number said it was somewhat or very difficult to find a school they felt would be fully inclusive.
Fernando, who adopted a son with his male partner almost three years ago, says: "We didn't realise how big Mother's Day assembly would be. In the first year of our son attending, the children were singing All Things Bright and Beautiful, but changing the lyrics to describe their mothers. Every child had to stand up and say something good about their mum."
The problem was soon resolved, adds Fernando, 41, who does not want his full name published. His son, now nine, is excused from that assembly and encouraged to make cards for his godmother and grandmother. The school, as do many across the country, encourages discussion of all types of family units.
But such flashpoints can make the challenging experience of adoption all the harder for gay men and women. Parents who responded to New Family Social's survey told of headteachers advising only one of the parents to attend parents' evening in order to avoid homophobic reactions from other parents.
Anjie Mosher, 42, from Blackpool, who adopted two boys, now six and seven, in 2010, was told that the vicar on the board of governors at the school her sons attend would not baptise her children because he didn't "recognise" her relationship with her partner, Deborah.
Another parent, who did not want to be named, was allocated a place at a Catholic primary school for her daughter last year. "We asked how they would deal with the fact that our daughter had two mummies. Their response was that it would 'not be promoted or condoned within their school'. I went on to ask how they would deal with a topic such as families if the children had to take in photos. We were told that they would not be able to display our family photos."
Gay adoptive parents say they want the government to help them tackle such attitudes. Adoption by gay people was legalised in England and Wales in 2005 and in Scotland in 2006, but the numbers are still relatively small. Last year 160 children, 4.6% of the total, were placed with same-sex couples.
New Family Social wants to encourage the trend. It is estimated that every year 4,000 children need adoption and 9,000 need foster care. Figures suggest that, if just 2% of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people came forward to foster or adopt, this need could be met. A book published last week by the British Association for Adoption and Fostering, Proud Parents, chronicles the experience of gay and lesbian adoptive parents and stresses the importance of school in helping children settle.
There have been attempts by Tory MPs to insert "conscience clauses" into the gay marriage bill for teachers who do not want to condone – or wish to criticise – same-sex parents. An amendment tabled by former children's minister Tim Loughton, fellow Tory David Burrowes and Jim Shannon of the DUP, says: "For the avoidance of doubt, the discussion or criticism of sexual conduct or practices or the discussion or criticism of same-sex marriage shall not be taken of itself to be discrimination."
Andy Leary-May, director of New Family Social, says children need to feel positive about their home life: "If my partner and I send my son to our local school, we want to know he will not hear a teacher being critical of our relationship. At his age, kids absorb what they are told without question, and the effect could be devastating. Whatever else happens with the bill, it is vital no protection is lost in this area for the sake of our children."
guardian.co.uk © 2013 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
No comments:
Post a Comment