Introducing Moz Reader!

Introducing Moz Reader!:
Posted by Nick Sayers
After the demise of Google Reader, we decided to rise to the challenge. Moz Reader is our answer. We can honestly tell you that this is the best thing to happen for Moz Reader, since Moz Reader. Just call us!

Moz never expected to get into the reader business. Ever. That is until one man cornered Rand at the annual “Executives Meet at the Top of a Tower” conference. Behind wafting cigar smoke and the thick stench of brandy, Jon White appeared. Jon (seen in the announcement video) came from British-controlled Colonial Hong Kong with news of an emerging fad: feeds and current events read to customers over the phone. “Bloody genius,” he called it. Rand figured if Hong Kong was doing it, we should, too. The rest is history.
Here we are 25 years later, and finally launching Moz Reader.
On a side note, Jon is only fluent in British and Cantonese, so he hasn’t quite learned how to write American yet. That’s why the Communications Team (Elijah and I) decided to give the “jolly ol’ chap” a hand with the video and announcement.
Without further ado...check out the Moz Reader features!

Moz Readers

Are you ready for a crack team of professional voices to read you content until your heart is content? Meet the Moz Reader team. After you experience our voices, you won’t be able to read a blog post on your own again.

Each and every one of the team may or may not have benefits enjoyed by most first-world companies! As independent contractors, they have the freedom to choose their own benefits and doctors without any “corporate strings attached.” No HR suit is going to tell them how to obtain their own medical coverage!

Real Celebrity Voices

That’s right, folks! We have friends in low…err, high places. Do you want your blog read by Keanu Reeves, Oprah, Ahnuld, Whoopi Goldberg, or Nic Cage? Well, you’re in luck. Just request one of our celebrity contributors, and get your feed read to you with class, grit, or drama.

Content Filtering

Like listening to your favorite blogs with the whole family? Well, with a new uber-complex-algorithmic-math-formula our Big Data team engineered, you can keep your mind at ease. The little ones will never hear any naughty words. Just tell your reader that you don’t want artistically-crafted content and would rather we filter it!

Notifications

No more waiting for your computer to start or opening a battery-draining app on your coveted RAZR! As soon as something pops up in your RSS feeds, we’re going to call you on every number we can dig up to read you what you need to hear. Busy the minute we call? We will call you two minutes later! Persistence is our middle name. That’s right, Moz Persistence Reader.

Easy Sharing

Want to share something we read to you? Give us your closest friends’ phone numbers and we will give ‘em a call! Heck, we will even save their phone numbers in a social database for other companies to access and offer them once-in-a-lifetime deals.

If this doesn’t have you doing back flips out of sheer excitement, then you’re probably in a coma! Well, that’s enough from us. Happy reading!
If you have feedback for Moz Reader, please call your Moz Reader Specialist of Director Relations Customer Liaison and talk over them as they read your feeds! Don’t worry, we will log your feedback and take it into account when we cycle through our current Moz Reader contractors.

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